SIM Series Season 1 Finale

AND NOW…SIM Series…the Season Finale…

“Hello stranger,” Mary says as I walk into my office.

She’s wearing her trademark black cap and smirk. I brush up next to her and attempt to give her a hug. I think she’s caught off guard by it as we nearly bump our heads together while sorting out which way we’re supposed to move while hugging!

“Sorry,” I say. “How are you doing?”

“I’m alright. I guess.”

“I guess?” I ask as I take a seat. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?? Haven’t you been reading the Forum? Oh. I forgot you’ve been out bachelor partying it up with scantily clad women that have dollar bills coming out of their ears! Some people are doubting my ability!” She says fiercely. “I mean they ask me to gallop or jog their horses and then when I give them my honest opinion, they get upset at me!”

“Wow. I didn’t know, but as a side note, I also spent some time at the pool as well.”

“Seriously! Some of them even started a Forum posting! I was like. ‘How dare you!!!’”

“What?” I say incredulously.

“I know. I’m not psychic. I gallop them and tell the owners my honest opinion. What’s wrong with honesty??” She asks.

“It’s the best policy right?” I respond.

“It was,” she says.

“You can’t make everybody happy Mary,” I say.

“Yeah. I know,” she says. “I mean. It’s just a gallop. Its like saying Mia Hamm practiced well today. It doesn’t mean she’ll have a good game next time out!”

“I totally understand,” I respond. “That’s a good analogy.”

“Thanks,” she says as she finally cracks a small smile. “So what’s going on for the Steward’s Cup?”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I heard it’s like a gala.”

“You’ve never been to or even heard about a Steward’s Cup event?” I ask earnestly.

“Noooooo,” she responds in bratty way. “This is my first year with SIMhorseracing.com remember?”

“Where did you train before?” I ask.

“I don’t know. For some reason, before Year 24 started, I have no real recollection of what I did or where I lived.” Mary says.

“Ok Ms. Jason Bourne!” I retort.

“No. Shut up! Really, it’s almost like I didn’t exist before Year 24.”

“That’s odd,” I respond. “Anyways. For Steward’s Cup a whole gang of SIMsters get together in chat. The Steward splits everybody in half to make two gangs. One is named the Sharks and the other the Jets. Then each gang walks towards each other in a dancing-”

“Stupid! That’s West Side Story!” She says. “Seriously, what happens?”

“It’s pretty much a whole day event. Really cool. The Steward calls all the races and prizes are given out and stuff. After wards, everybody drinks a fifth of tequila and passes out.”

“You mean you drink a fifth of tequila and pass out?” She says mockingly.

“No. I lament about my stable and create reality shows based on Internet games that I play. Like there’s a SIM Series about Slingo that I write as well.”

“No there isn’t you dork!” Mary responds.

“OK. OK. Seriously,” I say jokingly still. “Did you get any responses from the owners? I want to know what they said.”

“Well.” Mary says as she fumbles through some files. “You’re not exactly the most popular guy right now amongst the SIM. For starters, not everybody responded or has responded or… who knows maybe even wants to respond!”

“I know,” I say sighing. “Don’t rub it in!”

“You did get some anonymous fan mail though!” Mary says as she pulls out a small stack of paper.

“Fan mail?” I say incredulously as I grab the stack from her. “Anonymous?”

I flip through a few and open one and begin reading. Oddly, there are no return addresses and it does seem that they are really, really anonymous!

“Dear SIM Series,

I think The White Album is wonderful! OF COURSE she’s going to win the Steward’s Cup Turf Filly Dash! She’s awesome. I love her, I love her, I LOVER her! Though, it would’ve been nice to get any notice about your hiatus! It would’ve made posting my own poll – I mean posting the polls for the owners – WHATEVER! ANYWAYS… For the most part though, I’d say it was a good experience. Keep the heads ringing! – C. Eatin”

“Look,” I say to Mary. “It’s not anonymous! This one is signed C. Eaton!”

“Yeah, but this person spells it E-A-T-I-N.” Mary responds. “Not the same.”

I shake my head and open the next letter.

“Dear Scott,

You need to write more you bum! And make sure you always spell check too! Anyways, I’m writing about Flyin’ Lion. I heard he isn’t running until Year 25, Week 1. Good luck to you and thanks for including us in your fun endeavor! – L. Beegle”

“OK! Come on!’ I say. “Mary, this is signed L. Beagle!”

“Let me see.” She says as she grabs the letter from my hands. “It’s B-E-E, see!”

“Never mind,” I say as I open the next letter.

“Dear Scott SIM Series Pho or 3SP as your now known in the SIM Underground,

Make Me Clever has been fun to follow. I hope I’m wrong, but I think she’ll place in her next race not win. She seems to win allowances all day but only place in stakes. Next year, I – I mean the SIM hopes that she wins a stakes so that maybe they vote to sell her as a broodmare for good money. Congrats on you’re mare Semper Fi, even though you pulled a NOOB move and shipped her to Toronto. (Loser) Maybe you and my best friend Channi Ruzzo can drive down to Sunshine Park together now! Ha ha ha (Evil Laugh) – M. McEaton

PS: Ha Ha Ha”

“Seriously Mary.” I annoyingly say. “Did you write all these? Nobody responded did they?”

“No!” She says. “I couldn’t make this stuff up. Those are real letters from people following SIM Series! They’re real. Definitely, not made up.”

I open the next letter reluctantly.

“Dear 3SP,

What’s the end result of SIM Series? Is there a winner? Does a horse get some kind of singing contract with your record label? Does anybody get eliminated? I mean, it’s been fun and my 2yo – I mean Think Legendary won a Gr. 1 and is now headed to the Stewards Cup Juvenile but… BTW, I always think my horse is going to win! Get it right! – B. O’Deitch"

“Mary?” I say as show her the email. “All you did was put O in front of Bill’s name! That’s not going to trick anybody! If nobody responded, it’s ok. I understand. I can handle it!”

“Scott,” Mary says earnestly. “Those are real. I promise. Why would I write those myself? It would take forever!”

I’m semi-ignoring her as I open up the next letter as I’m sighing.

“Dear Scott,

I don’t really like the 3SP nickname the previous fans are using. It doesn’t capture the essence that is the Scotty Phizzle…”

“Look Mary,” I say showing her the email. “How does this supposed fan know about 3SP???”

She shrugs and continues working. I go back to reading. Again.

“…Scotty Phizzle…I like that Twitter name. Maybe I should sign up using the name J. Dannizzle! People might confuse me with Jolene Danner though. I wonder how many other SIMsters are on Twitter. There could be a Laura Fizzleson, Eric Nizzle-bone, Dave Shizzle, Emily Stew-nizzle, Ara Da-vizzle. OK Enough. Sorry. Going back to Jolene, I love her horse Rockappella. It might be spelled awkwardly, but I think she’s going to win the Steward’s Cup Juvenile Filly Turf aka the Juvy Fizzle Turf. I even put up, I mean Jolene even put up two Steward’s Cup options in the poll to make sure she makes it there. It seems like the SIM is putting her exactly where I, I mean her would have put her if it wasn’t up to the SIM to vote. Giving up control of her was really hard, err must have been hard I mean, but it seems like it’s been pretty fun for the SIM to campaign her. Thanks again for all the fun. – J. Donner”

“OK Mary,” I say as I put down the remaining mail. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“For the last time. Those are real letters!” She sternly responds.

I comb through the remaining “letters” and skim through most of them. For the most part, my eyes go straight for the bottom to see who’s signing them. Names like J. O’Slotsman and M. Clayre show up. I don’t even notice who’s writing them anymore. I finally come across one that actually seems real.

“Dearest Scott,

I really admire your work on SIM Series. It’s quite refreshing. It really has brought the SIM and SIM Series to life. Your take on the SIM is captivating, motivating, and entertaining. I have taken some real joy in reading them. I especially liked how Mary was incorporated into your stories. When you went on your 2-week hiatus, I went on a hunger strike during the last week that you were gone. Thank goodness you came back or else I’d probably be really sick by now. Anyways, I hope to see it return next season! Keep up the great work!

Love,

M. Goose

PS: Just Kidding. This is really your mother. You haven’t been answering your phone. I really need you to come down and help me move some stuff around in the new house. I’ll make you you’re favorite dish, Medium Rib Eye Steak with a side of Scalloped Potatoes and Mac and Cheese. I’ll even make you some beef stew like they make at Santa Anita. I love you and come by this weekend. (Or else) – Love, Mom."

Great. I guess this weekend’s shot already. And how did my mom infiltrate the SIM? I wonder if Mary knew about this! At least it won’t interfere with next week’s Steward’s Cup.

I put aside the remaining letters and decide to ignore them for a long, long while. I talk to Mary briefly about some last minute preparations for next week’s big event. It’s good to have a few snacks and drinks lying around during the race calls. I imagine one day that when technology becomes even more advanced, we’ll actually just have a big SIM Video Conference for Steward’s Cup Day. And…Instead of some fancy computerized simulation horse race, each race would instead be acted out with those carnival games where you have to roll a rubber ball upwards and hope that it lands in the correct hole to make your horse move! That would be awesome!

I begin checking some stats as Mary begins to pack up. “I have to run.” She says. “I have to visit a lot of stables this week! And I have to go pick up Dr. Hacklu!”

“Thanks for getting me those emails,” I say.

“No problem,” she says. “I’ll see you at Sunshine Park.”

I say goodbye to her as she leaves my office for probably the last time in Year 24. She’s done all she can to help prep my horses for the upcoming week. I pull up some files on some of my older horses. Important decisions are made as the year comes to a close. Horses and mares will retire to stud or the pasture. Mares will be sent to studs in the hopes of creating the next great champion. Foals will become Yearlings and Yearlings will become Juveniles. Things always come full circle at the end of the year. It’s the circle of the SIM life. – SIM Series

GOOD LUCK TO ALL!



EL CREDITS:

SIM Series – Their Horses. Your Decisions. Season 1

Directed By: The Money You Could Be Saving By Switching To Geico

Produced By: The Cavemen

Written and Created By: Scott Pho

Cast:

Scott Pho /////////Himself
Mary Weather ////Herself
The Steward //////Herself
Clark Hoss ///////Cal Worthington
Dr. Hacklu ////////Ash from Pokemon

The Sprinters (In order of appearance)

Ara Davies / Time Delay
Carolyn Eaton / The White Album
Mike Eaton (No relation) / Make Me Clever
Channi Ruzzo / The Proven One aka Plato
Chris Simpson / Acting Up
Katy Turner / All For Fun

The Routers (In no particular order)

Jolene Danner / Rockappella
Chuck Whittingham / Hey Girl
Janey Adams / Freeburn
Leonard Beagle / Flyin’ Lion
Michael Edwards / Sinsation
Bill Deitch / Think Legendary

No animals (carbon based or digitally based) were harmed during the production of SIM Series.

Please visit http://www.simhorseracing.com/ for more information about the SIM!