Friday, July 10, 2009

SIM Series Season 1 Finale

AND NOW…SIM Series…the Season Finale…

“Hello stranger,” Mary says as I walk into my office.

She’s wearing her trademark black cap and smirk. I brush up next to her and attempt to give her a hug. I think she’s caught off guard by it as we nearly bump our heads together while sorting out which way we’re supposed to move while hugging!

“Sorry,” I say. “How are you doing?”

“I’m alright. I guess.”

“I guess?” I ask as I take a seat. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?? Haven’t you been reading the Forum? Oh. I forgot you’ve been out bachelor partying it up with scantily clad women that have dollar bills coming out of their ears! Some people are doubting my ability!” She says fiercely. “I mean they ask me to gallop or jog their horses and then when I give them my honest opinion, they get upset at me!”

“Wow. I didn’t know, but as a side note, I also spent some time at the pool as well.”

“Seriously! Some of them even started a Forum posting! I was like. ‘How dare you!!!’”

“What?” I say incredulously.

“I know. I’m not psychic. I gallop them and tell the owners my honest opinion. What’s wrong with honesty??” She asks.

“It’s the best policy right?” I respond.

“It was,” she says.

“You can’t make everybody happy Mary,” I say.

“Yeah. I know,” she says. “I mean. It’s just a gallop. Its like saying Mia Hamm practiced well today. It doesn’t mean she’ll have a good game next time out!”

“I totally understand,” I respond. “That’s a good analogy.”

“Thanks,” she says as she finally cracks a small smile. “So what’s going on for the Steward’s Cup?”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I heard it’s like a gala.”

“You’ve never been to or even heard about a Steward’s Cup event?” I ask earnestly.

“Noooooo,” she responds in bratty way. “This is my first year with SIMhorseracing.com remember?”

“Where did you train before?” I ask.

“I don’t know. For some reason, before Year 24 started, I have no real recollection of what I did or where I lived.” Mary says.

“Ok Ms. Jason Bourne!” I retort.

“No. Shut up! Really, it’s almost like I didn’t exist before Year 24.”

“That’s odd,” I respond. “Anyways. For Steward’s Cup a whole gang of SIMsters get together in chat. The Steward splits everybody in half to make two gangs. One is named the Sharks and the other the Jets. Then each gang walks towards each other in a dancing-”

“Stupid! That’s West Side Story!” She says. “Seriously, what happens?”

“It’s pretty much a whole day event. Really cool. The Steward calls all the races and prizes are given out and stuff. After wards, everybody drinks a fifth of tequila and passes out.”

“You mean you drink a fifth of tequila and pass out?” She says mockingly.

“No. I lament about my stable and create reality shows based on Internet games that I play. Like there’s a SIM Series about Slingo that I write as well.”

“No there isn’t you dork!” Mary responds.

“OK. OK. Seriously,” I say jokingly still. “Did you get any responses from the owners? I want to know what they said.”

“Well.” Mary says as she fumbles through some files. “You’re not exactly the most popular guy right now amongst the SIM. For starters, not everybody responded or has responded or… who knows maybe even wants to respond!”

“I know,” I say sighing. “Don’t rub it in!”

“You did get some anonymous fan mail though!” Mary says as she pulls out a small stack of paper.

“Fan mail?” I say incredulously as I grab the stack from her. “Anonymous?”

I flip through a few and open one and begin reading. Oddly, there are no return addresses and it does seem that they are really, really anonymous!

“Dear SIM Series,

I think The White Album is wonderful! OF COURSE she’s going to win the Steward’s Cup Turf Filly Dash! She’s awesome. I love her, I love her, I LOVER her! Though, it would’ve been nice to get any notice about your hiatus! It would’ve made posting my own poll – I mean posting the polls for the owners – WHATEVER! ANYWAYS… For the most part though, I’d say it was a good experience. Keep the heads ringing! – C. Eatin”

“Look,” I say to Mary. “It’s not anonymous! This one is signed C. Eaton!”

“Yeah, but this person spells it E-A-T-I-N.” Mary responds. “Not the same.”

I shake my head and open the next letter.

“Dear Scott,

You need to write more you bum! And make sure you always spell check too! Anyways, I’m writing about Flyin’ Lion. I heard he isn’t running until Year 25, Week 1. Good luck to you and thanks for including us in your fun endeavor! – L. Beegle”

“OK! Come on!’ I say. “Mary, this is signed L. Beagle!”

“Let me see.” She says as she grabs the letter from my hands. “It’s B-E-E, see!”

“Never mind,” I say as I open the next letter.

“Dear Scott SIM Series Pho or 3SP as your now known in the SIM Underground,

Make Me Clever has been fun to follow. I hope I’m wrong, but I think she’ll place in her next race not win. She seems to win allowances all day but only place in stakes. Next year, I – I mean the SIM hopes that she wins a stakes so that maybe they vote to sell her as a broodmare for good money. Congrats on you’re mare Semper Fi, even though you pulled a NOOB move and shipped her to Toronto. (Loser) Maybe you and my best friend Channi Ruzzo can drive down to Sunshine Park together now! Ha ha ha (Evil Laugh) – M. McEaton

PS: Ha Ha Ha”

“Seriously Mary.” I annoyingly say. “Did you write all these? Nobody responded did they?”

“No!” She says. “I couldn’t make this stuff up. Those are real letters from people following SIM Series! They’re real. Definitely, not made up.”

I open the next letter reluctantly.

“Dear 3SP,

What’s the end result of SIM Series? Is there a winner? Does a horse get some kind of singing contract with your record label? Does anybody get eliminated? I mean, it’s been fun and my 2yo – I mean Think Legendary won a Gr. 1 and is now headed to the Stewards Cup Juvenile but… BTW, I always think my horse is going to win! Get it right! – B. O’Deitch"


“Mary?” I say as show her the email. “All you did was put O in front of Bill’s name! That’s not going to trick anybody! If nobody responded, it’s ok. I understand. I can handle it!”

“Scott,” Mary says earnestly. “Those are real. I promise. Why would I write those myself? It would take forever!”

I’m semi-ignoring her as I open up the next letter as I’m sighing.

“Dear Scott,

I don’t really like the 3SP nickname the previous fans are using. It doesn’t capture the essence that is the Scotty Phizzle…”

“Look Mary,” I say showing her the email. “How does this supposed fan know about 3SP???”

She shrugs and continues working. I go back to reading. Again.

“…Scotty Phizzle…I like that Twitter name. Maybe I should sign up using the name J. Dannizzle! People might confuse me with Jolene Danner though. I wonder how many other SIMsters are on Twitter. There could be a Laura Fizzleson, Eric Nizzle-bone, Dave Shizzle, Emily Stew-nizzle, Ara Da-vizzle. OK Enough. Sorry. Going back to Jolene, I love her horse Rockappella. It might be spelled awkwardly, but I think she’s going to win the Steward’s Cup Juvenile Filly Turf aka the Juvy Fizzle Turf. I even put up, I mean Jolene even put up two Steward’s Cup options in the poll to make sure she makes it there. It seems like the SIM is putting her exactly where I, I mean her would have put her if it wasn’t up to the SIM to vote. Giving up control of her was really hard, err must have been hard I mean, but it seems like it’s been pretty fun for the SIM to campaign her. Thanks again for all the fun. – J. Donner”

“OK Mary,” I say as I put down the remaining mail. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“For the last time. Those are real letters!” She sternly responds.

I comb through the remaining “letters” and skim through most of them. For the most part, my eyes go straight for the bottom to see who’s signing them. Names like J. O’Slotsman and M. Clayre show up. I don’t even notice who’s writing them anymore. I finally come across one that actually seems real.

“Dearest Scott,

I really admire your work on SIM Series. It’s quite refreshing. It really has brought the SIM and SIM Series to life. Your take on the SIM is captivating, motivating, and entertaining. I have taken some real joy in reading them. I especially liked how Mary was incorporated into your stories. When you went on your 2-week hiatus, I went on a hunger strike during the last week that you were gone. Thank goodness you came back or else I’d probably be really sick by now. Anyways, I hope to see it return next season! Keep up the great work!

Love,

M. Goose

PS: Just Kidding. This is really your mother. You haven’t been answering your phone. I really need you to come down and help me move some stuff around in the new house. I’ll make you you’re favorite dish, Medium Rib Eye Steak with a side of Scalloped Potatoes and Mac and Cheese. I’ll even make you some beef stew like they make at Santa Anita. I love you and come by this weekend. (Or else) – Love, Mom."

Great. I guess this weekend’s shot already. And how did my mom infiltrate the SIM? I wonder if Mary knew about this! At least it won’t interfere with next week’s Steward’s Cup.

I put aside the remaining letters and decide to ignore them for a long, long while. I talk to Mary briefly about some last minute preparations for next week’s big event. It’s good to have a few snacks and drinks lying around during the race calls. I imagine one day that when technology becomes even more advanced, we’ll actually just have a big SIM Video Conference for Steward’s Cup Day. And…Instead of some fancy computerized simulation horse race, each race would instead be acted out with those carnival games where you have to roll a rubber ball upwards and hope that it lands in the correct hole to make your horse move! That would be awesome!

I begin checking some stats as Mary begins to pack up. “I have to run.” She says. “I have to visit a lot of stables this week! And I have to go pick up Dr. Hacklu!”

“Thanks for getting me those emails,” I say.

“No problem,” she says. “I’ll see you at Sunshine Park.”

I say goodbye to her as she leaves my office for probably the last time in Year 24. She’s done all she can to help prep my horses for the upcoming week. I pull up some files on some of my older horses. Important decisions are made as the year comes to a close. Horses and mares will retire to stud or the pasture. Mares will be sent to studs in the hopes of creating the next great champion. Foals will become Yearlings and Yearlings will become Juveniles. Things always come full circle at the end of the year. It’s the circle of the SIM life. – SIM Series

GOOD LUCK TO ALL!



EL CREDITS:

SIM Series – Their Horses. Your Decisions. Season 1

Directed By: The Money You Could Be Saving By Switching To Geico

Produced By: The Cavemen

Written and Created By: Scott Pho

Cast:

Scott Pho /////////Himself
Mary Weather ////Herself
The Steward //////Herself
Clark Hoss ///////Cal Worthington
Dr. Hacklu ////////Ash from Pokemon

The Sprinters (In order of appearance)

Ara Davies / Time Delay
Carolyn Eaton / The White Album
Mike Eaton (No relation) / Make Me Clever
Channi Ruzzo / The Proven One aka Plato
Chris Simpson / Acting Up
Katy Turner / All For Fun

The Routers (In no particular order)

Jolene Danner / Rockappella
Chuck Whittingham / Hey Girl
Janey Adams / Freeburn
Leonard Beagle / Flyin’ Lion
Michael Edwards / Sinsation
Bill Deitch / Think Legendary

No animals (carbon based or digitally based) were harmed during the production of SIM Series.

Please visit http://www.simhorseracing.com/ for more information about the SIM!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

SIM Series - Week 15 Episode 13

LAST TIME ON SIM SERIES…

The SERIES took a 2 week hiatus, but the horses continued racing. Some are ready for bigger challenges, while some will regroup and prepare for next season. Meanwhile, I’ve been back from San Diego…


AND NOW…SIM Series Week 15 Episode 13

I wake up to the sound of my roommate’s alarm clock. Again. How many times will she hit snooze before she finally gets up. So far, my count is at 6, which means that at 9 minutes between each “snooze” she’s been turning her alarm off for 45 minutes now! I finally get up even though it’s only 7AM. I was hoping to sleep until 10 to recuperate from not only a crazy weekend, but also a crazy month! Today is Friday.

I spent the first weekend of June (and basically all of May) helping my mom move into her new home in Orange County. I spent the weekend before that moving myself into a place that’s closer to my office. Two sentences don’t really justify how long it takes to move my mom’s four-bedroom home about 75 miles from one county to another. Add about 50-55hrs of work during the week and it leads to excessive craziness. In fact, we did all the moving in basically two days. Saturday we loaded the U-Haul and by Sunday morning, (that’s Sunday morning at 2:30AM) we finished unloading. By the time I was ready for bed, it was almost 4AM. I slept on the couch.

The second week of June was spent in San Diego…at least I was coherent enough on Sunday to watch the Kobe win his 4th NBA Championship and the Lakers winning their 15th as a franchise.

The third weekend in June was spent cleaning house, for the most part that is. I needed to really get settled into my new place and organize my belongings. Living out of boxes is only so fun. I also had a tux fitting for another friend’s wedding! I can only handle so much…until my other new roommate, not the one that hits snooze forever, my other roommate wanted to go get some drinks. Needless to say, we spent the night in Hollywood…at a bar/club, drinking Crown and Cokes…

Then, there’s last weekend, the final weekend in June. Vegas. Usually that’s enough said, but I elaborate. Bachelor party, except this was the four-day variety for a friend that I’ve known since grade school. Yes, the friend from the tux fitting. It’s safe to say he’s one of my best friends period.

Thursday night began with a trip to AMC Santa Anita (not to be confused with the track, but it’s a movie theater in the shopping mall next to the race track). We watched The Hangover, a perfect pre-cursor to the upcoming weekend. For those who have seen this instant classic, it led to multiple references for the rest of the weekend, like when I pulled up to my friend’s house at 8AM to pick him up, I yelled, “Paging Dr. Faggot!” We also referred to my friend as Doug for the entire weekend even though his name is Eric. There are a million other references, but it would take to long to go over them! Like how we plotted to steal a Las Vegas PD police cruiser after drinking a lot of Tequila (instead of Jaeger) and (no, we did not become blood brothers on the roof of Cesar’s Palace…we’re already blood brothers..duh!) I only have one question though about the movie…how come they didn’t explain the CHICKEN??? Where did the CHICKEN come from??? And what did it have to do with the plot???

Friday was spent playing golf and then bbqing at his house with his soon to be wife and us already locked and suckered in friends!

Saturday morning we left for Vegas….

I arrived home on Monday morning, at 1AM and went into my office at 7AM and then played in my local adult basketball league’s championship game at 7PM. We won.
Somewhere in between all that, I went to work.

And that leads us to today, the day before the 4th of July. We’re heading into Week 14 Friday and the great festivities that are the final two weeks of the SIM. Another season closing out. I’ve been so lost that I shipped my newfound Steward’s Cup hopeful Semper Fi (thank you btw, you know who you are for pointing out something important to me about Semper Fi) …anyways shipped her to Canada thinking that the Steward’s Cup was at Toronto Racecourse. I think I’ve all but sealed her fate in Week 16. Ironically, at the end of last season, I wondered if my horses would be better off in the hands of veteran owners. Would they fair better? Apparently, the answer is a resounding YES since I can’t even ship properly! Oddly, that led to the creation of SIM Series…

I’ve been clicking through the SIM Series tab and the SIM Forum in general. I’m really impressed by the owners who have taken it upon themselves to post their own polls. I’m also disappointed in myself for not helping the other owners get their polls up as I’ve been doing all season. I don’t blame them at all. For the most part, it was my responsibility, but if SIM Series is to continue (assuming the SIM wants to continue!), it will require much tweaking to the format. I’m a bit embarrassed, but I needed to take this hiatus. I couldn’t find time to do many extra curricular activities during the last few weeks let alone my required responsibilities at work! But now that June is in the books, I can rest easier knowing that July has absolutely nothing scheduled! (At least for now!) August is another disaster waiting to happen staring with Eric’s (Doug’s) wedding on August 1st.

So, with the season winding down, we go back to the main focus of SIM Series, the horses and their owners.

Led by Carolyn Eaton’s The White Album, the Sprinters have done quite well for themselves. The White Album’s performance has all but guaranteed a spot in the Steward’s Cup. The SIM has also overwhelmingly voted for her to race in the Juvenile Filly Dash. Her last time out, she won the Grade 1 Diamonds and Pearls Stakes at South Africa Racecourse with a 78 speed figure.

Mike Eaton’s Make Me Clever might also be headed to Sunshine Park to dance with other Steward’s Cup hopefuls. For now, the SIM is split between the SC and the West Virginia Debutante. Somebody needs to break the tie! Make Me Clever’s last time out was a very respectable 3rd place finish in the Beautiful Swan Stakes.

Hall of Fame trainer Ara Davies is still perplexed with Time Delay. Is she a sprinter, a miler, or a router? After consecutive 2nd place finishes, Time Delay took a minor step back when she finished 4th over a maiden mile. She’s entered again in a similar race, but with a minor tweak in equipment.

Then we have The Proven One aka Plato. Channi Ruzzo has probably raced him for the last time this season. In week 14 Monday, an aberration from his usual Friday racing, Plato finished 4th in a NW2 over 7 furlongs. Regardless, Plato has already earned $26,800 this season, which has more than covered his original 20k purchase price. He still has a long career ahead of him.

The Routers have done just as well if not better.

Jolene Danner’s Rockappella has lived up to her regal bloodlines. She finished 2nd in the 100k Test My Heart Stakes in Week 13 Friday while posting the same speed figure as the winner. All signs point to the Steward’s Cup and a chance to race her name into the history books.

Bill Deitch’s Think Legendary has been holding his own as well. He won a maiden event over 1 1/16 and is now headed to the Grade 1 150k Bubbly Stakes in Long Island Park, Week 14 Friday. A win here and we might see him at the Stewards Cup as well on short rest.

Michael Edward’s Sinsation has also shown much potential after finishing 2nd in a 100k stakes race while posting a 65 speed figure. He’s not entered in another race yet, however the Steward’s Cup could still be a possibility.

Meanwhile, Leonard Beagle’s Flyin’ Lion finished 7th in a Week 13 Friday Maiden over 1 1/16. Leo has no plans on a next race yet, but hopefully a poll will let the SIMsters vote on it.

Janey Adam’s Freeburn raced Week 12 Monday and finished 3rd while posting a 53 speed figure. She’s not entered yet in another race and no poll is up yet. I might take the blame for that!

And finally, Chuck Whittingham’s Hey Girl finished 5th in a 100k stakes race in Buffalo Park. Again, no plans or polls are up for the next race. Again, I might take the blame for that!

And so we charge forward to the finale of Year 24, the Steward’s Cup. Heck, it’s the finale for every season. We gather together via cyber space, all day, chatting it up, while watching the Steward call each race in roughly 30 minute intervals. It’s a charming day, filled with prizes and surprises. It’s a festive day of celebration for the SIM. Bitter sweet. Bitter that another season comes winding down and sweet while watching other owners celebrate their triumphs. Who would have known that these digital creatures could mean so much to the people who own them?

I squirm around in my couch at my new place. My snoozing roommate is up, moving some furniture around now. I peak out the door to see what’s going on. Her room is disorganized. She’s cleaning and moving stuff around. I walk out to say good morning as she tells me sorry if she had woken me up. I tell her no and that it’s all right. I’ve been up already, writing about SIMhorseracing.com.

NEXT WEEK ON SIM SERIES:

The SERIES will conclude with reactions from the Owners. What are they’re thoughts on their horses. Which ones will we see at the Steward’s Cup? Have a safe and happy 4th of July!


www.simhorseracing.com